Managing Our Finances

We view our finances as a whole, but we manage them with a combination of joint and personal accounts.

VISIBLE: All of our financial accounts (credit cards, mortgage, savings, investments, retirement, etc.) are aggregated using tools like Monarch, Empower, Copilot, or YNAB. This ensures all of our finances and transactions are fully visible to both of us. Periodic sharing of credit reports is also a loving way to show your partner that you are disclosing your credit accounts and debts. Even though my partner isn’t interested in financial minutiae and trusts that I’m tracking and planning for us, I want everything to always be disclosed and the financial data accessible. The responsibility of planning our finances and future should be a shared endeavor.

EQUITABLE: Since I am both more frugal and earn noticeably less than my partner, we work to balance the power dynamics in our financial decision-making to keep it feeling fair. It’s not always easy, but we focus on creating financial security, meeting our saving and investing goals, and still allowing for personal discretionary spending. We are building our future together, with room for individual financial choices. Here’s our approach:

JOINT: We have a joint account for all expected household expenses, from mortgage to groceries, insurance to emergency funds. We also have joint savings goals for the future, including short-term sinking funds for things like travel, vehicles, and home repairs, as well as long-term investment planning. Spending from this account is a joint decision and subject to budget review. We review our spending and goals together at least a few times a year. While the proportion we each contribute has changed over the years, the majority of our earned income goes into this joint account or is directed to retirement and investment accounts.

PERSONAL: We also maintain personal accounts. Each month, a set amount of money from the joint account is sent to our personal accounts. This is money we’ve allocated for spending according to our individual personal values. This arrangement allows us to spend without stress or concern about the other’s spending, as long as it stays within the budgeted personal amount. This doesn’t have to be equal, but it’s important to avoid economic disparity between partners.

SHARED DREAMS of FI: One of our key shared dreams is building wealth and financial stability by converting our earned income to passive income via investments. I’ve wanted to follow the F.I.R.E. path quickly, while my partner wants to keep working, enjoy more discretionary spending now, while knowing we are funding eventual retirement. After much discussion, we compromised on a SlowFI path, which allows us to gradually achieve financial independence while enjoying our journey along the way. This path balances our desire for financial security and early retirement with our desire to enjoy life now and not be too singularly focused on the future. In our relationship, this has resulted in an unconventional solution. These days, my partner has a much larger personal spending budget, while I “spend” much of my personal budget by working fewer hours and having more time freedom. We regularly review our progress and adjust our plans as needed, ensuring that our shared dream remains aligned with our individual aspirations.

LEGAL/CONTINGENCY PLANNING: It’s important to understand how marriage changes your legal responsibilities. Unless you have a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, your marriage is governed by state laws. Generally, this means joint responsibility and ownership of debts, real property, retirement, and savings acquired during the marriage. Even if you manage finances separately, the law often considers them joint. It’s essential to maintain full visibility into each partner’s finances because their finances are your finances as well. Surveys suggest that 25-44% of relationships experience some form of financial infidelity, which can include hiding accounts, debts, purchases, or income.*

ESTATE & EMERGENCY PLANNING: In case of incapacity or death, it’s vital to know how your partner’s finances work. Basic estate planning, such as wills and power of attorney, is critically important. Ensure you have access to passwords and the necessary authorizations to manage their financial accounts. We use a password manager and update a document annually with basic information on all our accounts, both joint and separate, to avoid scrambling in a stressful situation.

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Let’s get curious….

Have you talked about how your financial upbringings shape your money habits?
Picture yourself at the dinner table as a child. What messages about money did you hear growing up? Was it a source of stress or abundance? Now, think about your partner’s experience. How might their financial background influence their decisions today? How can you both bring awareness to these differences without letting them create friction?

What financial rules or guardrails could help protect your relationship?
Imagine you’ve just had your first major financial disagreement as a couple. Maybe it’s about a big purchase, a risky investment, or an unexpected expense. What rules or systems could you have in place to prevent money from becoming a source of resentment? How can you build financial guardrails that create trust instead of restrictions?

Empowering Your Partner with Financial Safety and Independence
As the higher earner in your relationship, how do you create a sense of financial security for your partner who earns less, stays home, or has less financial independence? If they’re relying on you for income, it’s easy to unintentionally create an imbalance where they feel more vulnerable if anything goes wrong. Imagine your partner’s financial world is fully tied to your earnings—what happens if something happens to you, or if the dynamic changes? Do they have their own savings, access to emergency funds, or retirement planning in place? How can you empower them with the tools and resources they need to feel just as secure and independent as you?

What’s the best investment you’ve made in your relationship—financial or otherwise?
Think back to a time when you and your partner made a decision that strengthened your relationship. Maybe it was a financial choice, like buying a home together, or an experience, like a meaningful trip. How can you continue making financial decisions that don’t just grow your wealth but also enrich your life and partnership?

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* Stat Sources: link, link, link, link