We Turned Down More Money for Better Friendships and More Choices

Why choosing autonomy over income brought us closer to our FIRE goals

Here’s the real magic of living below your means: It creates space to make choices that aren’t motivated only by money, like choosing time and connection over status and income to maximize the ROI of your relationships. But first, lets recap where we left off. . .

Recap: The ROI of Friendship Series: In previous posts, we explored how friendship functions as a genuine form of wealth, one backed by decades of research showing that strong relationships literally protect our brains, extend our lives, and create more joy than money alone ever could. Then we talked about how Relationship Wealth, created with your time and presence, is the most accessible form of wealth, and is available to everyone.

Creating A Life That Values Connection

One of the superpowers of living below your means is that it creates space to make choices that aren’t motivated only by money. When you’re not trapped by lifestyle inflation, you have the freedom to prioritize relationships and experiences over status and things.

Maybe that looks like:

• Choosing a job with flexible hours so you can have coffee dates with friends during the week, easily adjusting around that friends availablilty.
• Living in a smaller home in a neighborhood thats closer to work, or where you can walk to see people you care about
• Saying no to overtime so you can say yes to dinner with family
• Using vacation days for visiting friends instead of saving them “for later”

These choices become possible when you’re running the right race, pursuing goals that are authentically yours rather than what others expect of you.

Here’s what I’ve learned over 20+ years of building our version of Surprising Wealth: one of the most powerful benefits of living below your means isn’t just the money you save. It’s the choices that become possible when you’re not trapped by lifestyle inflation or chasing someone else’s definition of success.

The Freedom to Choose Connection

When you’re pursuing goals that are authentically yours rather than what others expect, you can often design a life that naturally creates more space for the people who matter most. For us, this has meant making deliberate trade-offs that might seem counterintuitive to some people but have created exactly the kind of freedom we wanted.

The Anti-Upgrade Mentality That Upgraded Our Entire Life

Why staying small in some areas creates surprising freedom in others

Most people spend the majority of their income on housing, transporation and food. We decided to focus on two of these big expenses in our early years of saving and investing: Housing and Transporation. We lived in a small “starter house” for over 10 years. While friends were upgrading to larger homes, we stayed put so we could direct more money toward investments for retirement. But here’s what surprised us: It also meant we could eat out frequently with friends without financial stress. Those dinner invitations became easy “yes” decisions because our housing and auto costs were so manageable.

When we were deciding on an area to put down roots in, we had one location in mind, but learned that housing costs were literally one-third the price about 15 minutes down the road from our preferred location. We ultimately decided that the substantially reduced cost of living was worth more to us than the extra hour or two a week of drive time to hang out in that preferred area. We figured that much cheaper housing meant we would have ample cash to go out and do things, rather than being house poor at home. You might decide the opposit. It really comes down to the larger picture of lifestyle design vs goals vs tradeoffs. As Paula Pant likes to say, “you can afford anything but not everything”.

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Building wealth while living richly today means recognizing that your most valuable assets aren’t just in your investment accounts, they’re in your relationships, your memories, and your capacity to show up for the people you care about.

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Lifestyle Design for Connection

The beautiful thing about the Surprising Wealth approach is that it’s usually about making smart adjustments rather than dramatic overhauls. Most of us can create meaningful change through relatively subtle shifts that align our spending and time with our values.

For example, we drive older, reliable, paid-off vehicles to free up money for investing. This isn’t about deprivation, our cars get us where we need to go safely and comfortably. But by not having car payments, and by having lower insurance premiums for these affordable vehicles, we have more flexibility in our budget for both investment goals and spontaneous friend visits.

Because we’ve lived below our means and are self-employed, we can afford to take the occasional afternoon off when a friend needs help, when loved ones are in town visiting, or when we want to linger longer over a social lunch. We make sure our baseline income goals are met, but otherwise we can prioritize non-financial life goals like being there for friends and loved ones.

These choices might look different for everyone, but the principle tends to be similar: finding ways to reduce costs on things that don’t matter much to you so you can invest in both your financial future and your relationships.

Let’s get curious…

What’s one small tweak you could make to your current lifestyle that would create more space for meaningful connections?

What would work-life balance look like if you designed it around prioritizing the people who matter most to you?

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Posts in the ROI of Friendship Series:

• Why Your Social Portfolio Is Your Most Surprising Wealth (With research to prove it)
• The Democracy of Friendship & Connection (Anyone willing to invest their time and presence can become relationship wealthy)
• Excercising Your FI Freedom (FI principals allow you to create work-life balance and foster connection)
• The Compound Effect of Showing Up (Just like financial investments, friendship wealth compounds over time. )
• The One Percent Rule Of Relationship Building (The power of tiny consistent actions)
• Coming Soon:
  • Your Social Investment Strategy (So how do you start building friendship wealth?)
  • Enjoying the Journey Through Connection (You don't have to wait until financial independence to benefit from strong relationships)
  • The Surprising Truth About Wealth (It's just a tool for building your Surprising Wealth Life)

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A Bit About Us

Our journey began with humble beginnings. We’ve navigated through the challenges of creating a life and a living we love, while earing low to median incomes. What started as a modest dream of being able to retire someday has turned into a concrete plan. We've been on the SlowFI path, consistently saving and investing for 20+ years. Our income over time has stayed roughly in the 50th percentile, so we are truely everyday Americans. We've achieved remarkable results through living below our means and consistently investing the difference. Now in our mid-40s, we are in the top 20% for U.S. household wealth for our age group. This has been possible through conscious spending, consistent saving, strategic investing, and a commitment to lifestyle design where we spend generously on things that bring us value and contentment, while cuting back on things we are ambivalent about. It can be daunting when you hear the stories of tech workers or doctors or other people with large income shovels. We want to share how an everyday couple with median US income has built wealth for the future, while also creating a life we love today.

Why Financial Independence?

Financial Independence means having the freedom to make choices that aren’t dictated only by the need for a paycheck. It’s about gaining control over your time and energy, and being able to pursue what truly matters to you. For us, it’s about creating time for friend & family, travel, and the experiences that bring joy and fulfillment.

Join Us on the Journey

In January 2021, I ran some calculations, projected our investment growth, and analyzed our current spending levels. After adjusting our spending assumptions for future inflation, I realized we could replace our earned income (trading time for money) with investment income (our money making money for us) in approximately 10 years. With 90 months left to go, we’re solidly on that path and we want you to join us. Whether you're just starting out or well on your way to financial independence, Surprising Wealth is here to support and inspire you. Together, we can make every month count and turn dreams into reality.

Thank you for being a part of our community. Let's embark on this journey to financial independence together!

Disclaimer: All the tips and stories here are from my own journey toward financial independence. Remember, what worked for me might not work for everyone. This content is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as financial, legal, or tax advice. Always consult with a professional before making any significant financial decisions.